Day Thirty -- All The Small Things

Okay so I had written this nice two paragraph blog entry but the whole thing is about selling jewelry and what I’m going to do with my booth this coming year and blah, blah, blah, yackity smackity. I decided that it all needed to go to my Ooh! Shiny! blog and I also needed to write something else here. I feel like this blog should be more personal, but at the same time, I wonder if people can handle that. People don’t always feel comfortable reading about other people’s emotions unless they are over the moon happy, and even then, they feel envious and despise them… “why is that bitch so damn happy?” pops up in their head.  Also, if I wrote often about how much pain I am in when I wake up every morning, that wouldn't be good either. I don’t want to be pitied for it or feel ashamed because “Why is she so sick all the time? Why isn’t she taking better care of her health?” regardless of the fact that I just spent the past year losing 80 pounds and eating well and all that. Some things can be a bit out of my hands.  Geez, now I’m starting to sound a bit angry huh?

I would like to say that even though the day started rather iffy, in the end, it was a pretty neat day. I had my last Optifast meeting, and I am glad to say that I have made another good friend in the process just as I did by the end of the last round. Now I have to use what I learned and see what I can do on my own. I have to see about getting off the medication that actually makes me gain weight. It’s a horrible joke to play on diabetics… telling them that they need to lose weight and then putting them on medications that make them gain. It’s made the weight loss fight a bit harder than it needed to be. I didn't do as well this time as I did last time. First, a major challenge was that the sweltering summer made it harder to exercise as much as I did earlier in the year. Continuing an exercise program is easy. Starting one is very hard. It was also made harder because of a couple of health issues that popped up and injuries that made my mobility more challenging. I still have some issues with food, such as hating having to think about it and going a day without eating just so I don’t have to deal with it. But I’m getting better at that. It’s definitely going to be a “one day at a time” sort of thing. Having an exercise buddy would be a big help. Unfortunately, like in most things, I’m going to have to go at it alone.

Okay, so that went a bit more personal than I had planned. I didn't even go on about why today was so neat. Okay, since it’s late, I’ll give the brief summary. I got a pre-paid for commission finished and I sold some more bracelets at my Optifast class. It will help me pay for a new table for my booth and get some more supplies that I need. Then Rob and I went to The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf to get their free anniversary coffee. We sat there enjoying our coffees and talking and goofing off the way we do. It was a really nice evening. Sometimes it’s the small things that make a day nice. I really loved that I married someone who is such a good friend… and as big a goofball as I am. 

late night Mani-bloggi

It's rather late at night and I'm up blogging? Why? Because I'm also doing my nails and I find that typing is the one thing I can do that keeps me out of the kind of trouble that usually messes them up. I bought new nail polish today... at the dollar tree. It was a purely frivolous purchase because I haven't bought anything like that for myself in quite a long time, due to having very little money. I needed something fun so I bought three colors: gold, black and a dark blue, all for less than the price of a single nail polish I was hoping to buy at Sally's. I decided to go with black tonight because I'm feeling a bit edgy. I don't have the highest hope for it because I've never used a black nail polish, of any brand, that didn't chip almost immediately. If this stuff lasts more than a day I will be totally shocked. It's okay though because according to an article I read a while back, chipped nail polish is in, especially if it's black.

Okay, I need to stop talking about nail polish now, but I did all that because I needed to warm up my brain for getting out the rest of my thoughts. I can't believe I waited this long to make a second entry to this new blog. Yes I can believe it. It's my M.O. really. It's also a habit I would like to grow out of. Consistency hasn't exactly been a keyword in my life so far and I'm turning forty this year. Maybe it's about time. Yes, I've let myself be at the mercy of outside forces, the main cause of the chaos I find myself in regularly and It would be nice to not let that happen anymore. It's going to take a lot of work but I'm not sure if I can do it this late in life. Ugh, I don't like using that term for myself. It makes me sound really old. Sometimes my body feels pretty old, but when it comes down to it, emotionally and mentally, I'm barely out of adolescence and tend to revert to toddlerhood now and then... a toddler with a VERY bad mouth :-D

Turns out I'm doing a couple of things right now to make major changes in my life. For almost a week and a half now, I've been on the Optifast program. It's a liquid diet that I hope will only be the jump-start to a new healthier lifestyle that I need to adopt. I really want to get off of all my medication, have my knees stop hurting so much and to be able to do so many things and maybe above all, be able to be judged by the type of person I am instead of on how I look first (says the girl with the bright red hair). I didn't really want to tell anyone about the diet because the last thing I need is for a bunch of people to feel the need to become the food police where I am concerned. I understand some people mean well, but they can really just fuck off. I have enough stress and issues with food that I don't need it coming from outside sources on top of it. That being said, so far I'm having an easy time of it. I haven't been feeling awfully hungry. I've also been getting in a good amount of exercise done with my Wii but I'd really like to find other exercises that I can enjoy to add to that. It will help me stick to it. I really want to and I know that trying to do it all strictly by will power doesn't work. I suppose I can write about it here because I feel like no one will be reading this blog anyway... at least not for a while.

Another thing I'm about to do is to finally start selling some of my jewelry online. I'm going to put some of the flower pins that I make on eBay to see if I can get a bit of money from them. I don't see why they shouldn't. They are beautiful. But I've always been a very reluctant salesperson and also worried about will I do things right when it comes to taxes and stuff. I need to just “woman up” and do it. I'm also going to check out other sites besides etsy like Artfire and this other site whose name escapes me at the moment. I would SO love to make an actual career out of my jewelry making. I want it to be my day job. It's the one thing that I'm most happy doing that could also make me money. I really do believe my work is good enough, more so now than ever.

On that note, I'm going to go to bed. My nails are dry, well, dry enough. They might be a hot, smushy mess by the time I wake up in the morning, but I'm really tired, so I can live with that.