Tears Of A Clown

Today was very odd. I didn’t feel well most of the day but I knew I had to buck it up because I had to get a biopsy (in my breast) today. Thankfully, I felt a little better after a late breakfast.  

So to get to the meat of the story: I was in the hospital gown waiting to be called for the biopsy and I found myself crying. The odd bit was that I wasn’t crying about having to have the procedure. What happened was, the place where I had to wait was a narrow hallway and I had to scoot my feet back a bit so no one would trip over them and it tweaked my knee enough to hurt a bit. This got me to thinking about how bad my quality of life has been since I had the accident around 10 years ago and how it sucked that I was never able to see a doctor about it to get my knees seen to.  And now it’s too late because all doctors see my knee pain as is a weight issue but I’m like, 

“No, I injured them. There must be something that can be done.”

“Lose some weight and things should get better.”

“Well, I did lose some weight, quite a bit in fact, and there was absolutely no change in my knees.”

Actually, that last sentence, I haven’t had the chance to say to any doctor yet. But I don’t feel hopeful that it’ll make any difference. I really wish I had been taken to the emergency room even if I had no money to pay for it. I would gladly be up to my eyeballs in debt right now if it meant that walking, sitting and generally anything knee-related didn't hurt like a motherfucker.

So yeah, that’s why I was crying at my biopsy appointment. I had to tell the nurse why I was crying so that she didn't think she had a hysterical, needle-fearing patient who was freaked out about possibly having cancer.

The biopsy itself went rather well… well, on my end because I didn’t have any pain at all except for in my arm for having to hold it up for so long. The doctor did have to go pretty deep with a long thick needle that made weird sounds and an even weirder thumping. Even now, I feel okay though they said I might have some pain and bruising and that I’ll have to take it easy for a couple of days.

I think I can manage that.

P.S. I know it's been a horribly long time since I've made any blog posts. I guess I'll talk more about that later. Maybe. 

Day Fifty-two -- Off To Never Never Land

So today was acupuncture day which is cool. I’m really feeling the improvements. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a lower back spasm (and by lower back, I mean upper butt) and I have been able to bend my knee a bit further than I’ve been able to in a very long time. Although, I was afraid that it might have been re-injured last night when while trying to position the covers with my foot, Rob yanked at the covers, thereby yanking my foot back. I had to yelp from the knee pain that caused. Fortunately, by the morning, I was doing just fine. We worked on my shoulder which had been giving me a lot of trouble recently and that trouble was exacerbated by the fall I took a last month. She told me that shoulders were stubborn. Boy do I know it! Another issue is that my back muscles are pretty tense, as well as the ones in my legs. I don’t know why, but I do notice now and then that I really tense my muscles all over when I should be relaxing. Relaxing is hard.

Speaking of relaxing, I won’t be doing any of that tomorrow! LOL I am  trying to make tomorrow a SUPER-productive day. In fact, I’m going to force myself to go to bed early tonight. Granted, early for me is going to be like 12:30 maybe 1 am (I got to bed at 3:30 last night! I should be spanked!). But I do want to get a lot done tomorrow. Mainly stuff like cleaning and organizing but also making a few things. I’ll probably be finishing a bunch of necklaces that have been waiting to be completed. This will add to my goal to have a certain number of necklaces to add to my collection for the next Silver Lake market which is March 9^th.  I also just realized that I have exactly one month left to do my Pantone collection before Spring starts; that’s another goal of mine. It’s a goal that I have no doubt I’ll meet. Taking the time out to take great pictures of it all is another story. But I’m going to do it this year!

To end this post, I must say all of yesterday’s work to put my hair into twists was in vain because they are coming out tomorrow. I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow evening and I want to look presentable. I’m going to go now and work on a to-do list and a schedule... and try to be done with that before 1am without getting too caught up into watching Kinky Boots, which is coming on in a few.