Friday, June 21, 2013

Tears Of A Clown

Today was very odd. I didn’t feel well most of the day but I knew I had to buck it up because I had to get a biopsy (in my breast) today. Thankfully, I felt a little better after a late breakfast.  

So to get to the meat of the story: I was in the hospital gown waiting to be called for the biopsy and I found myself crying. The odd bit was that I wasn’t crying about having to have the procedure. What happened was, the place where I had to wait was a narrow hallway and I had to scoot my feet back a bit so no one would trip over them and it tweaked my knee enough to hurt a bit. This got me to thinking about how bad my quality of life has been since I had the accident around 10 years ago and how it sucked that I was never able to see a doctor about it to get my knees seen to.  And now it’s too late because all doctors see my knee pain as is a weight issue but I’m like, 

“No, I injured them. There must be something that can be done.”

“Lose some weight and things should get better.”

“Well, I did lose some weight, quite a bit in fact, and there was absolutely no change in my knees.”

Actually, that last sentence, I haven’t had the chance to say to any doctor yet. But I don’t feel hopeful that it’ll make any difference. I really wish I had been taken to the emergency room even if I had no money to pay for it. I would gladly be up to my eyeballs in debt right now if it meant that walking, sitting and generally anything knee-related didn't hurt like a motherfucker.

So yeah, that’s why I was crying at my biopsy appointment. I had to tell the nurse why I was crying so that she didn't think she had a hysterical, needle-fearing patient who was freaked out about possibly having cancer.

The biopsy itself went rather well… well, on my end because I didn’t have any pain at all except for in my arm for having to hold it up for so long. The doctor did have to go pretty deep with a long thick needle that made weird sounds and an even weirder thumping. Even now, I feel okay though they said I might have some pain and bruising and that I’ll have to take it easy for a couple of days.

I think I can manage that.

P.S. I know it's been a horribly long time since I've made any blog posts. I guess I'll talk more about that later. Maybe.