Day Forty-Six -- Can You See The Real Me

So I missed another day, but then yesterday was so bad that I intended to not blog about it after it was all through.

I think just this picture alone would've worked as yesterday's post.

I went back to red hair today. It’s really more me than anything else, and I wasn’t really feeling the purple. It didn’t look awful, I didn’t hate it. It just wasn’t me. Hell, the green hair was more me than the purple. As for Rob, he LOVED the green hair on me. And he always loves the red. He liked the purple too but he wasn’t very enthusiastic about it. I’ll have to post a pic tomorrow. I washed the purple out as much as I could but the ends look a bit fuchsia. Come to think of it, if the purple came out more fuchsia, I would've loved it.

One of the reasons for the change is that part of what sucked about yesterday is coming to terms with aspects of how I have been living my life has been, to be honest, fucked up and I need to change some things. (What can I say? One’s hair color is easy to control… it’s a start anyway) I can only hope that I am strong enough to make the necessary changes and part of me is very afraid that I’m not. That fear, and a lot of other fears that I have let run my life are a lot of what I need to change. Being hormonal at the time of this revelation is certainly NOT helping. A lot of times, balling up in a corner and crying seems like a perfectly appropriate option, but it’s not really. It also makes me think right now that I really don’t want to hear anyone say things like, “It’s all going to be okay!” “You’re awesome and you’ll get through it” blah blah blah. No disrespect to anyone who feels that way, and any other time, I might really appreciate it… but maybe right now I need to feel sad and maybe a bit angry for a while. That’s enough for tonight.